A few days back, I met (actually bumped into) an age old friend (a great friend at one point of time) but some stupid misunderstandings and inflated egos tore the camaraderie apart…since that day, there are umpteen thoughts going on in my head – have been reminiscing my time when we used to hang out together, just the mere thought of the time gone by, the flashes of the yester years found me laughing at myself….but when I introspected a little more…I could feel a sense of profound loss…
On one side, it makes me happy that I have seen so many reasons to smile but on the other, it is extremely disheartening to just have the moments entrapped in my memory.
As much as things are unchangeable in my memories and they are something that just belong to me, it makes me insecure that they all last till the time my head is in place….till the time I remember!!!
It is scaring that one day I might get up and not remember anything….it makes me wonder that something that is so precious to me…something that makes me the person I am, could only become a fragment of my imagination.
These memories have contributed in making my present the way it is…there were bonds made, relationships broken, hearts scraped, knees skinned but at the end of the day, they are all lessons learnt; all of them makes me feel alive everytime a thought crosses my mind.
Even though memories make me cry or laugh but if I ever be bereft of my memories….then life would perhaps be a blank notebook….and all the incidents would seem as if they were written with a self-erasing ink which leaves nothing to look back into just an empty plain book with nothing written on it…..
Memories are my friends, my accomplices, my companions, albeit erratic ones. They are the film roll on which I see my life flash by….they are my funnel to the past, they are the proof that I have lived.
There are times when we want to erase those memories which once gave us smiles and happiness…things we treasured are the things we want to run away from – those gifts, those lanes walked, those restaurants, the movies, the EVERYTHING…because when we relive these moments, we sense some sort of loss, something that makes us want to go back and just freeze time….
On the contrary, there are some moments we are glad to know have passed and as difficult it was to be there then, the more hilarious it is now to visit that incident in our minds.
Memories haunt you. Memories are weird. Memories are intangible. Memories are funny. The ugly moments we had make us laugh and the moments which made us laugh then, often find us shedding tears remembering them.
Memories have the ability to make moments permanent…it helps leave marks and back trace our foot prints….sometimes my memories give me a reason to smile and the motivation to persevere through another day..
It just reinstates my belief that there always will be songs that will hurt, photographs that will make me smile, messages and mails that will make me laugh… sometimes even shed a few silent tears…but I know this is what adds spice to my life… it is my shadow…it is the reflection of who I am… it is the soul to my being without which there is no dimension in living…it is my strength…it is my weakness!!!