Liebster Award – heartfelt gratitude to Mike (michaelmcguire.com.au) for bestowing me with this appreciation
Best Moment Award
Wordpress Family Award
There is something comforting about having your loved ones around you… just the sheer presence of your parents (in the same living space) around you is enough….somehow the same place which was cold and small, starts feeling warm and welcoming…
You do not even have to talk…their presence is enough….what is it about parents…How can they love you unconditionally?
This doesn’t mean that we don’t fight or argue…there are numerable tensions and difference of opinions….but they can just make our lives worthwhile…
The sad thing is we only realise this when they are not around us….like me….I do not live with my parents….and whenever we meet…my father and I always have heated arguments…always…but the moment we are not together, a part of me feels lost…a bit of me switches off…
Even though technology has connected worlds and they are just phone-call away or as close as skype can bring…but the physical presence helps… (and this is coming from someone who is not the hugging/kissing types) but still… their aura just completes you…
The biggest of problems in life seem nothing once they come to your rescue…they are the only ones who can truly burn the midnight oil to make you smile…. (What brings them the joy the when they buy something that means precious to their child?)
Like, the father will go that extra mile to ensure that he brings in the best for his daughter…he will toil and struggle to see that small face of his child light up when he meets his demands….He is the best wall that can ever exist to shield his children away from any harm…
How is it that parents do so much when they know in return they may get nothing but either flack or maybe disrespect…perhaps even aloofness…What is it that keeps them going? How do they never ever give up on us? They are the most sensitive people when it comes to their kids and at the same time they are the strongest protection to them.
I was my grand-dad’s blue-eyed girl….I remember the day when I lost him….I was in excruciating pain…and am sure my parents would have been miserable too…but I still recollect and vividly at that…the way my dad wrapped his arms around me….he just cocooned me from all the ache…it was like he just pulled out all the sadness from my life…
When I was a child…I used to be afraid of the big screen… theaters used to scare me….he would explain things to me…just make me sit in his lap….and I would be okay…
Even today…when am in the middle of some trouble or when I find my faith dwindling…. all it takes it is for me to be better is to talk to my dad and hear him say the most magical words there can ever be….“I am there na, don’t worry”…and the pool of black clouds seem to disappear….the problem becomes smaller than a droplet of water….than any grain of sand…
My mum (am sure am talking for all mothers) has shed more tears than I have….she has lived my hurts….my pains….my illnesses more….and yet she is stronger….ever smiling….ever beaming…the eternal hopeful angel who shall ever be. She is always acutely aware of the emotions and sentiments I am living/experiencing…. (How???) Her motherly instincts never seize to surprise me.
Thanks to my parents that I’ve had the wonderful childhood I had. They provided me with soulful, enriching memories….moments which have left me with lucid remembrances of my colourful and vibrant life… made me the person I am today…
Even though am so called ‘independent’…I know (in my honest moments) that I stand stronger because my parents are around to back me up….to pull me if I ever fall…to make me feel loved and wanted…to wipe away the tears of failure and tell me, “it’s okay!!!”
Perhaps am one of those soppy kids who find recluse in the vicinity of their parents…but I am continuing to learn how difficult…perhaps even downright impossible and thankless it is to be them…
How do parents manage that???
My parents tell me it is priceless and extremely rewarding.
… and I find myself pondering how I ever got so lucky….
A place to live by the sea
where the sounds of waves bring so much peace
Walking through the clouds without fear
and the wind blowing, kissing your ears
A good path to take me into nature’s lap
where I camp under the stars and nap
Waking up to the chirping birds
flapping their wings and flying in herds
Watching movies, reading books
listening to music while I cook
Calling friends and talking forever
sipping on to coffees and ramble on like never
Where there is laughter, joy and happiness
where people trade smiles and see no trace of sadness
A life such that whenever I take my final fall
I know and believe I’ve lived it all!!!
A day when the dawn brought with it a love so new
The one whose blossom made the older one bid adieu
For then life forbade a new course
Leaving no minute for breakup or remorse
Just left was time to pull apart all that was sown
Those unspoken shards had to be blown
What seemed a lifetime of happiness and memories
Was now altered to the spell of a fool’s reverie
A lot had to be said, a lot to be heard
All of this was spoken but without any word
The death of the soul…the losing of its mate
Leaving it all to the decree of fate
We did tread along together for a little while
Living each moment like a lifetime
You and I were never meant to be
Two parallel roads became we
Who walked together through each bit
But never ever did the two meet
Like some people who love each other
But not necessarily end up being together
I set you free so you don’t keep any guilt
Just let bygones be like every blooming flower has to wilt
No promises were made and none broken
Just a few dreams and hopes which were over woven
It isn’t that now we will not be
Just in a different fashion, a distant camaraderie
With a heavy heart and a running eye
We wash away what we had as we say goodbye
Holding on to memories as they cascade
Eventually even this will drift away as I quietly disappear and fade ….!
The sea, in all its vastness just lay, swathed in glistening blue and grey
Stretching across is its never-ending splendour, all through the night and day
The incoherent speechless song the sea sings
With changing trebles and intensity the waves go lashing
Not revealing what’s in its heart and mind
Just keeping it all within and undefined
But whenever you walk to it, stroll by along its side or just sit
It eases you down and offers its selfless companionship
Mirroring your mood, your mind it reads
Consoling you when hurt, embalming with its soothing breeze
Often I walk to it, to offer comfort and seek back some
The sea, in its mystical ways, lends itself like any living one
Only when you reach out to it, you realise it has a soul
A way, a life, (perhaps a heart), a language of its own
Its salty stench
For the days you feel your heart wrench
Its laughing waves
For the times when you have happy days
Sometimes (and more often) it just keeps quiet
To ensure you unload the words the world denied
Tenders umpteen renditions amidst my forlorn
And makes me believe am not alone
Shares my happiness and all my joys
Sprinkling its affection through hurling waves it deploys
The sea is my favourite companion, sharing a special camaraderie
The one where I shamelessly lose myself in reverie
What is it that draws me to it, why is it here that I find my missing link
Is it the potent powers it possesses which lets me think things I like to think?
I do not know the reason….but whenever I am by the sea
Through its calm and tranquil, I always tend to know a little more of me!!!
A day when I fought with my father…(not very unusual these days) or when my closest friend and I argued endlessly…till I realised that I couldn’t go on..(and this is not got anything to me being sweet or angel-like…it’s just that arguing is not my forte)…or when I lost someone dear to me forever…or when I knew I loved the person enough where enough was just the beginning…
Each time any of this happens…I feel at a loss…not loss of victory or alter ego or face…but a loss of words…
Everytime I try to broach the situation (ofcourse these are situations!), I freeze a little more…the whole of me wants to pour out volumes of words but everytime the words reach my mouth, they feel barricaded…
The words keep sprinting in my head, the thoughts clambering with each other…the mind is processing them faster than the speed of light but the moment they reach the gateway…they are hit by a firewall…
No words leave me…they just cling on to me… leaving me highly sensitized… all pins and needles….so much so that there is numbness which engulfs me…devours my blood flow…leaving me cold and frozen…all tight-lipped and poker…So much has to be spoken, so much, infact, NEEDS to be spoken…but all I do there is stand, dumbfound…
But ’tis not the lack of words that I don’t talk…it’s the lack of ability that I cannot… I do not have the gift of rebuttal…it’s writing that comforts me…to me it is a way of talking without being uninterrupted…a platform where I can say what’s on my mind and in my heart…
Writing decreases my sense of isolation…. and the more I write….the more I heal…that more peace succumbs to me…. I seem at ease with me, with my relationships, with my feelings… (of course I wish I didn’t have to go through those numerous pain and bitterness with my loved ones…my friends, my family, my people…..). Writing is cathartic, a therapy!!!
But it is only when I bleed (even if through my pen), I realize this is what helps me grow…and one day…will help me succeed!!!!
Writing delivers me from my unspoken demons…. liberates my mind…it helps me be…just lets me let go….
There is truly no greater pain than holding an untold story, feeling, and emotion inside you. We live and breathe words.
Words provide the reassurance that perhaps we are not completely alone. There is someone who always understands them…the meaning behind them…the pain, the joy, the love!!!
Words are honest to me and I with them. Some of us breathe through writing, we cry out in writing, or even sing in writing. They etch out the essence of me…. an x-ray to my soul, my mind, my heart!!!