Do you remember?

A gush of gentle breeze,
The sound of rustling leaves;
 
Smell of the first rain,
Embrace from your mother which eased the pain;
 
The ringing of the school bell,
Awaiting results, praying you’d do well;
 
 A lecture missed,
A stolen kiss;
 
The first day ever spent with your beloved,
Now when you look back, find your emotions flooded;
 
The joy of finding a ten rupee note in the pocket of your old jeans,
Faking being upset when your friends spilt the beans;
 
The never-ending talks, those midnight calls,
Holding on to the phone till morning crawled;
 
The last day of college, bidding adieu holding sobs,
The nervousness at the first day of that new job;
 
An encouraging pat, a meaningful chat,
The look of assurance and belief from your dad;
 
A warm smile from a stranger,
The thrill of narrowly escaping danger;
 
Walking past a shop hearing your favourite song play,
Holding on to a cup of hot tea on a rainy day;
 
 A short two-min call from your loved one,
After a cold day, a glimpse of the sun;
 
The feeling of warmth from someone you love,
The withering away of tensions from a child’s hug;
 
Realising life is not about that one big night or day,
It is these moments which take your breath away!
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Wakefulness

In the calm of the night when the world sleeps
I find myself restless as the mind leaps
 
I try asking, even probe to look within
But all I get back is nothing, much to my chagrin
 
What is it that possesses my thoughts
Have tried to reason it out but always lost
 
Do I feel the need to speak but find my throat hoarse
Often wonder should I not let it be as the words will find their own course
 
Have tossed and turned through umpteen nights
But have never figured what are my plights
 
People tell me I should let go of whatever I’m thinking
So as to ease my mind and leave it resting
 
It makes me wonder and abandons me to pondering
There’s nothing for me to deliberate which furthers the baffling
 
I can’t shake the feeling of helplessness
Which comes upon me with the ache of wakefulness 
 
But something the night offers which the day cant
‘Tis this weary silence that touches the heart
 
In the quietness that surrounds, to the subconscious it travels
Caresses my innermost senses, cajoling them to unravel
 
Whispering tales, some secrets or even sharing its pain
Let’s me feel that my hours awake did not completely go in vain
 
My mind has come to rest, feeling afresh and renewed
Suddenly it dawns on me that it’s time for another night to bid adieu!
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Parents…the (unwinged) angels!!!

Parents holding child's hands

There is something comforting about having your loved ones around you… just the sheer presence of your parents (in the same living space) around you is enough….somehow the same place which was cold and small, starts feeling warm and welcoming…

You do not even have to talk…their presence is enough….what is it about parents…How can they love you unconditionally?

This doesn’t mean that we don’t fight or argue…there are numerable tensions and difference of opinions….but they can just make our lives worthwhile…

The sad thing is we only realise this when they are not around us….like me….I do not live with my parents….and whenever we meet…my father and I always have heated arguments…always…but the moment we are not together, a part of me feels lost…a bit of me switches off…

Even though technology has connected worlds and they are just phone-call away or as close as skype can bring…but the physical presence helps… (and this is coming from someone who is not the hugging/kissing types) but still… their aura just completes you…

The biggest of problems in life seem nothing once they come to your rescue…they are the only ones who can truly burn the midnight oil to make you smile…. (What brings them the joy the when they buy something that means precious to their child?)

Like, the father will go that extra mile to ensure that he brings in the best for his daughter…he will toil and struggle to see that small face of his child light up when he meets his demands….He is the best wall that can ever exist to shield his children away from any harm…

How is it that parents do so much when they know in return they may get nothing but either flack or maybe disrespect…perhaps even aloofness…What is it that keeps them going? How do they never ever give up on us? They are the most sensitive people when it comes to their kids and at the same time they are the strongest protection to them.

I was my grand-dad’s blue-eyed girl….I remember the day when I lost him….I was in excruciating pain…and am sure my parents would have been miserable too…but I still recollect and vividly at that…the way my dad wrapped his arms around me….he just cocooned me from all the ache…it was like he just pulled out all the sadness from my life…

When I was a child…I used to be afraid of the big screen… theaters used to scare me….he would explain things to me…just make me sit in his lap….and I would be okay…

Even today…when am in the middle of some trouble or when I find my faith dwindling…. all it takes it is for me to be better is to talk to my dad and hear him say the most magical words there can ever be….“I am there na, don’t worry”…and the pool of black clouds seem to disappear….the problem becomes smaller than a droplet of water….than any grain of sand…

My mum (am sure am talking for all mothers) has shed more tears than I have….she has lived my hurts….my pains….my illnesses more….and yet she is stronger….ever smiling….ever beaming…the eternal hopeful angel who shall ever be. She is always acutely aware of the emotions and sentiments I am living/experiencing…. (How???) Her motherly instincts never seize to surprise me.

Thanks to my parents that I’ve had the wonderful childhood I had. They provided me with soulful, enriching memories….moments which have left me with lucid remembrances of my colourful and vibrant life… made me the person I am today…

Even though am so called ‘independent’…I know (in my honest moments) that I stand stronger because my parents are around to back me up….to pull me if I ever fall…to make me feel loved and wanted…to wipe away the tears of failure and tell me, “it’s okay!!!”

Perhaps am one of those soppy kids who find recluse in the vicinity of their parents…but I am continuing to learn how difficult…perhaps even downright impossible and thankless it is to be them…

How do parents manage that???

My parents tell me it is priceless and extremely rewarding.

… and I find myself pondering how I ever got so lucky….

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I want…

I want…

house by the seaA day of sun with pleasant breeze
with swaying trees and rustling leaves

A place to live by the sea
where the sounds of waves bring so much peace

Walking through the clouds without fear
and the wind blowing, kissing your ears

I want…

pathA mist laden sky
with a car to drive by

A good path to take me into nature’s lap
where I camp under the stars and nap

Waking up to the chirping birds
flapping their wings and flying in herds

 

I want…

lolling in bedA day with nothing to do just loll in bed
with the company of tv along with the internet

Watching movies, reading books
listening to music while I cook

Calling friends and talking forever
sipping on to coffees and ramble on like never

 

 

I want…

timeA time where time is non-existent, nothing it means
a world which then opens up just like in my dreams

Where there is laughter, joy and happiness
where people trade smiles and see no trace of sadness

A life such that whenever I take my final fall
I know and believe I’ve lived it all!!!

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Evanescence ….the fading away!

fade away

A day when the dawn brought with it a love so new
The one whose blossom made the older one bid adieu

For then life forbade a new course
Leaving no minute for breakup or remorse

Just left was time to pull apart all that was sown
Those unspoken shards had to be blown

What seemed a lifetime of happiness and memories
Was now altered to the spell of a fool’s reverie

A lot had to be said, a lot to be heard
All of this was spoken but without any word

The death of the soul…the losing of its mate
Leaving it all to the decree of fate

We did tread along together for a little while
Living each moment like a lifetime

You and I were never meant to be
Two parallel roads became we

Who walked together through each bit
But never ever did the two meet

Like some people who love each other
But not necessarily end up being together

I set you free so you don’t keep any guilt
Just let bygones be like every blooming flower has to wilt

No promises were made and none broken
Just a few dreams and hopes which were over woven

It isn’t that now we will not be
Just in a different fashion, a distant camaraderie

With a heavy heart and a running eye
We wash away what we had as we say goodbye

Holding on to memories as they cascade
Eventually even this will drift away as I quietly disappear and fade ….!

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…by the sea, I find me!!!

5805241691_5bf6cfa9a8_b

The sea, in all its vastness just lay, swathed in glistening blue and grey
Stretching across is its never-ending splendour, all through the night and day

The incoherent speechless song the sea sings
With changing trebles and intensity the waves go lashing

Not revealing what’s in its heart and mind
Just keeping it all within and undefined

But whenever you walk to it, stroll by along its side or just sit
It eases you down and offers its selfless companionship

Mirroring your mood, your mind it reads
Consoling you when hurt, embalming with its soothing breeze

Often I walk to it, to offer comfort and seek back some
The sea, in its mystical ways, lends itself like any living one

Only when you reach out to it, you realise it has a soul
A way, a life, (perhaps a heart), a language of its own

Its salty stench
For the days you feel your heart wrench

Its laughing waves
For the times when you have happy days

Sometimes (and more often) it just keeps quiet
To ensure you unload the words the world denied

Tenders umpteen renditions amidst my forlorn
And makes me believe am not alone

Shares my happiness and all my joys
Sprinkling its affection through hurling waves it deploys

The sea is my favourite companion, sharing a special camaraderie
The one where I shamelessly lose myself in reverie

What is it that draws me to it, why is it here that I find my missing link
Is it the potent powers it possesses which lets me think things I like to think?

I do not know the reason….but whenever I am by the sea
Through its calm and tranquil, I always tend to know a little more of me!!!

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Words are all I have!!!

A day when I fought with my father…(not very unusual these days) or when my closest friend and I argued endlessly…till I realised that I couldn’t go on..(and this is not got anything to me being sweet or angel-like…it’s just that arguing is not my forte)…or when I lost someone dear to me forever…or when I knew I loved the person enough where enough was just the beginning…

Each time any of this happens…I feel at a loss…not loss of victory or alter ego or face…but a loss of words…

Everytime I try to broach the situation (ofcourse these are situations!), I freeze a little more…the whole of me wants to pour out volumes of words but everytime the words reach my mouth, they feel barricaded…

The words keep sprinting in my head, the thoughts clambering with each other…the mind is processing them faster than the speed of light but the moment they reach the gateway…they are hit by a firewall…

No words leave me…they just cling on to me… leaving me highly sensitized… all pins and needles….so much so that there is numbness which engulfs me…devours my blood flow…leaving me cold and frozen…all tight-lipped and poker…So much has to be spoken, so much, infact, NEEDS to be spoken…but all I do there is stand, dumbfound…

But ’tis not the lack of words that I don’t talk…it’s the lack of ability that I cannot… I do not have the gift of rebuttal…it’s writing that comforts me…to me it is a way of talking without being uninterrupted…a platform where I can say what’s on my mind and in my heart…

Writing decreases my sense of isolation…. and the more I write….the more I heal…that more peace succumbs to me…. I seem at ease with me, with my relationships, with my feelings… (of course I wish I didn’t have to go through those numerous pain and bitterness with my loved ones…my friends, my family, my people…..). Writing is cathartic, a therapy!!!

But it is only when I bleed (even if through my pen), I realize this is what helps me grow…and one day…will help me succeed!!!!

Writing delivers me from my unspoken demons…. liberates my mind…it helps me be…just lets me let go….

There is truly no greater pain than holding an untold story, feeling, and emotion inside you. We live and breathe words.

Words provide the reassurance that perhaps we are not completely alone. There is someone who always understands them…the meaning behind them…the pain, the joy, the love!!!

Words are honest to me and I with them. Some of us breathe through writing, we cry out in writing, or even sing in writing. They etch out the essence of me…. an x-ray to my soul, my mind, my heart!!!

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